Devon’s Defense

“Devon’s Defense (Now We Know Too Much)”

[Intro – Joe (dead serious)]

Devon stood up mid-meeting.
Said, “I’m tired of these lies.”
Then he explained himself for 2 minutes…
And now we got 4 more write-ups, 6 songs, and a ban from Hilton hotels.

⸻

[Verse 1 – Devon (too confident)]

First off, y’all need to chill with the jokes,
Yeah I brought incense and some silky robes.
That ain’t weird—y’all just basic men,
I steam my face before I lift again.

So what if I moaned when I strapped that couch?
That’s core engagement—ya brains just slouch.
The baby oil? Therapeutic gloss!
I rub it on the dolly so it slides like a boss.

And if I did eat whipped cream in the cab,
That’s keto-friendly—you do the math.

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[Hook – Crew (yell-singing)]

Devon tried to clear his name,
But now we scared for real.
Said, “I only wear leather in winter,”
Bruh… that don’t explain the heels.
He said, “I don’t vibe with spirits,”
While burnin’ sage on the liftgate.
We just wanted to move a dresser—
Now we in a freakin’ court case.

⸻

[Verse 2 – Devon (doubling down)]

Y’all hatin’ on me ‘cause I exfoliate,
And bring body wash labeled “Domin8.”
Okay, yes—I had rope in the truck,
But that was for… emotional stuff.

I did not say “stroke the fridge for balance,”
That was misheard—I said “poke the ridge for talents.”
And yes, I peed in the corner of the trailer once,
But that was survival, y’all buggin’ bunch.

You never been trapped with a gallon of tea,
Three burritos deep and nowhere to pee?

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[Hook – All (with echo ad-libs)]

Devon tried to clear his name,
But now we got more dirt.
Said “I don’t ride shirtless often,”
While oilin’ his back in a “Cowboys” shirt.
He said “Y’all scared of passion,”
Then kissed a mirror mid-lift.
We was movin’ a crib down stairs—
Devon turned it into a spiritual shift.

⸻

[Verse 3 – Dillon (roasting)]

He said “My energy’s misunderstood,”
Bro, why’d you lick the dolly handle, then shush the wood?
Told the client “I sense your pain,”
Then whispered at a futon like it had a name.

Said “don’t knock it ‘til you rub the pad,”
Then flexed in the mirror like a sexy dad.
We tryna finish, you makin’ it weird—
Stop callin’ the team your “engineered queers.”

⸻

[Outro – Paul (laughing)]

Mi seh—Devon wild pon di weekday still,
Mi see him bring whipped cream an’ NyQuil.
Say him “centerin’ chakras” with a foam roller,
Mi seh, “Boss, yuh just rubbin’ yuh shoulder.”

⸻

[Final Hook – All]

Devon tried to clear his name,
But now he a workplace myth.
He said “I’m sensual, not strange,”
While dancin’ barefoot on a mattress lift.
Next time just say “no comment,”
Or plead the fifth real quick…
‘Cause now we got a playlist called
“Devon Be Movin’ Suspicious.”

R&B Ballad, Rap, male