I Push Away

(Intro)
I know better…
but I still do it.

(Verse 1)
I read the room before I read my heart,
feel the distance before it even starts.
I say “I’m fine” with a practiced smile,
but I’ve been unraveling for a while.

I wait too long, then I say too much,
I want connection, but I freeze on touch.
Every silence hits me like proof,
so I leave first — before you do.

(Pre-Chorus)
I don’t mean it,
but I shut the door.
I tell myself it hurts less than before.

(Chorus)
I shouldn’t push away, but I do,
every time I start to need you.
I want you close, then I pull back fast,
like I’m scared the good won’t last.

I shouldn’t push away, but I do,
say I’m okay when it’s not the truth.
I don’t hate you — I’m just scared you’ll see
how bad it gets inside of me.

(Verse 2)
I ask how you are, never say how I feel,
carry everyone else so mine stays sealed.
When I don’t get words back right away,
my chest fills up, my mind runs away.

I replay texts, read between lines,
convince myself I’m wasting your time.
So I go quiet, act like I don’t care,
when really I’m just scared you won’t be there.

(Pre-Chorus)
I don’t want distance,
I want relief.
But closeness feels like something I’ll lose in a week.

(Chorus)
I shouldn’t push away, but I do,
every time I start to need you.
I want you close, then I pull back fast,
like I’m scared the good won’t last.

I shouldn’t push away, but I do,
say I’m okay when it’s not the truth.
I don’t hate you — I’m just scared you’ll see
how bad it gets inside of me.

(Bridge)
If I disappear, it’s not because I don’t care,
it’s because I care too much and I’m scared.
I don’t need saving, I don’t need space,
I just don’t know how to ask you to stay.

(Chorus)
I shouldn’t push away, but I do,
even when all I want is you.
I don’t need perfect, I just need proof
that I won’t be left when I tell the truth.

I shouldn’t push away — but I do.
I’m not cold… I’m bruised.

(Outro)
If I go quiet,
please don’t assume.
I’m fighting myself
just to stay in the room.

female,alt rock/emo,electro pop/edm,synth undertones,technic,emotional,strong vocals,fast paced,beats,808s,dubstep