Moderational Drug

I was so sick, stuck in bed

An illness I was scared

Everyday back sore

Sleep for hours cos of pain & more

So tired couldnt stay awake

Aged 12 this wasnt fake

26 years No relief

So I tried something

Which turned out to be

the one thing to truly help me

& even though it's hard to admit

It's my truth no matter how you look at it

You may not agree

Might see me differently

But all I have for proof

Is the me standing infront of you

I dont use it to escape

But for relief from the pain

& gain

The energy I need

To heal & learn to regulate

Gave my body a break

From bein in that state

Its hard to admit

When anyone associated with it

Is seen as all the same

A drug addict that should hang their head in shame

But I needed healing

Needed to find the reason I was feeling

So sick in pain hidden unseen

Its scary to say

But

I used methamphetamine

Mental health fooled my mind

To think I'm the broken kind

I would try my best

But I was so sore in pain & depressed

Showing it, I felt guilty

Hiding it used all of my energy

I became unbearable & needy

But its cos I was so tired

So sleepy & weepy & an emotional heapy

Nobody was allowed to see

But I wouldve done anything to be free

Pain in silence every day

Listening to people say

she's just faking it, she's actually fine

She's a hypochondriac

She exaggerates all the time

She's lazy its manipulation

To control you & the situation

Thats why she pretends to be sick

Don't be a fool don't fall for it

It's sad

People thought I was like that

Pretending to be sick

Trading life for this

I could never understand why

Someone would even do that cos all I

Do is lay here

& cry & cry

& try

not to think that I wish I was dead

But hey.. yea.

Its just all in my head

If used as intended

It probably would

Help some people like me, feel seen & understood

If medical professionals could

Actually hear me

They might see I found something

Medically it should

Be bad but in me it does good

Cos like with everything

with care & moderation

Whats not helpful to some

Can be, in another situation

Its not the thing its mostly the user

Those who do too much, over do it & abuse it

The good it does, doesnt matter anymore

Cos they're brains didnt care

They chose to ignore

Thats what self control is for

So yes I use methamphetamine

But different to how some do on the street

Those you give the crackhead name

Usually have stayed awake for too many days

Gone- Waaayyy too long

Without food

Starving their body into a bad mood

Psychosis paranoia, scattered & delirious

Noone sees you as serious

Cos oh - oh yea "theyre just on meth"

But same would happen to anyone without rest

No food & nothing to drink

Its not just the drug, like you might think

Most people use it to run from shit

But jokes on them it can heighten it

Thats when they get paranoid

Cos somehow they get what they tried to avoid

Makes em crazy

angry & annoyed