Shadow by My Side

I wake up shaking from the same bad dream

Like something’s standing next to me

Breathing when I breathe

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I had nightmares on repeat, had to shake myself awake

How you beat depression when it’s staring at your face?

When I wake up, feel him standing by my side

Whisper in my ear like, “You know you’re not escaping this alive”

Don’t know how much more I can take

If I take one more, I might break

Demons keep me wired at night

No matter how hard I fight, they won’t disengage

I put things in my body I shouldn’t touch

Didn’t take it all, but damn, it was close enough

Talked to God, thought I crossed the line

Still here asking how close was I?

Since I got on, friends went silent

Laid in bed feeling violence

Not from them — from my head

Loneliness hit like sirens

All I ever wanted was someone proud of me

Just one hug, not advice or doubt in me

This that pain you don’t post online

So tell me — who the hell do I call this time?

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I don’t know how much I can take

If I take one more, then I might fold

My demons don’t sleep, they wait

Every night tryna pull me below

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Take a look into my eyes

Tell me honestly what you see

I been empty, dead inside

Still breathing — barely

Shadow sitting on my shoulder

Every day a little colder

I don’t wanna disappear

I just want this weight off me

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Dark thoughts clogging up my brain

Tryna numb the pain, tryna escape

Every high just fades away

And the sadness comes back twice as strong each day

I fight my demons but they don’t fight fair

They follow me into my nightmares

If you only knew the half I face

You’d know why I feel stuck in place

Devil chilling on my shoulder

Nights get long, days get older

I stay barely sober just to cope

But when it fades, depression takes control

Can you listen to my heart?

Tell me if it still beats

Can you see the scars I hide?

Every wound buried deep

I don’t wanna feel like this forever

I don’t wanna fake smiles anymore

I don’t wanna be a ghost in my own life

Knocking on a locked door

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But maybe surviving is louder than quitting

Maybe breathing is still a decision

If I made it through tonight

Then I can make it through the next minute

If you hear this, I’m still here

Still fighting, still afraid

But if hell tried to take me tonight

It didn’t win — not today

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Take a look into my eyes

Do you see the war in me?

I been broken, I been tired

But I’m still here — barely free

Shadow still walks beside me

But it don’t get to decide me

I don’t need to be okay

I just need to stay

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I had nightmares, yeah

But I woke up

And maybe that’s enough… for now