[Intro – Spoken] Attention, everyone… This is a public service announcement: Please remain calm. Charlie Kirk has said something again. Response level: zero fuck given. [Verse 1] Charlie logs on like it’s judgment day Drops a “hot take” and thinks folks will say, “Oh wow, Charlie, speak your truth!” But the universe goes, “Buddy… who?” He refreshes the feed like every three seconds But the silence is louder than all his intentions He’s yelling into space with maximum flair But the whole world shrugs like: “We don’t fuckin’ care.” [Chorus] ‘Cause nobody gives a fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk Not a scoop, not a crumb, not a sprinkle—no perks You could scream his name in Walmart; folks won’t even look or stare Yeah, nobody—nobody gives a single fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk [Verse 2] He makes a speech and stands real proud Like he’s dropping wisdom on a grateful crowd But the crowd’s on their phones, checking pizza deals Or watching TikToks about hamsters on wheels Charlie’s over there thinking he’s changing the game Meanwhile someone coughs, and THAT gets more fame He’s trying so hard to spark national affairs But the vibe stays the same: “Not one fuck was spared.” [Chorus] ‘Cause nobody gives a fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk Not a dash, not a drizzle, not a courtesy smirk He could put out a novel called “Please Somebody Care” But nobody—nobody gives a tiny fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk [Bridge – Emotional But Hilarious] Ohhhh play a soft piano for the boy who tries so hard But even spam emails get more sympathy cards If attention were currency, he’d be totally broke He’s a guy at a party telling jokes no one spoke You could measure the interest in tenths of a hair It’s microscopic, invisible—less fuck than air [Breakdown – Funky Call & Response] Who cares? — No fucks! Who cares? — Still no fucks! How many fucks? — Zero, none, negative budget! Charlie pops up— — We don’t care! Charlie tweets again— — Still don’t care! He shouts real loud— — Buddy, we swear: “There ain’t enough fuck in the world to make us care.” [Final Chorus – Full Power] Nobody gives a fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk Not a hint, not a heartbeat, not even a quirk He could host a parade and folks still wouldn’t prepare Yeah nobody—nobody gives a single. solitary. universe-shaking fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk [Outro – Whispered] Charlie, sweetie… We wish you the best… But we don’t fuckin’ care.

Now that we have your attention