Now that we have your attention

Attention, everyone…

This is a public service announcement:

Please remain calm.

Charlie Kirk has said something again.

Response level: zero fuck given.

Charlie logs on like it’s judgment day

Drops a “hot take” and thinks folks will say,

“Oh wow, Charlie, speak your truth!”

But the universe goes, “Buddy… who?”

He refreshes the feed like every three seconds

But the silence is louder than all his intentions

He’s yelling into space with maximum flair

But the whole world shrugs like: “We don’t fuckin’ care.”

‘Cause nobody gives a fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk

Not a scoop, not a crumb, not a sprinkle—no perks

You could scream his name in Walmart; folks won’t even look or stare

Yeah, nobody—nobody gives a single fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk

He makes a speech and stands real proud

Like he’s dropping wisdom on a grateful crowd

But the crowd’s on their phones, checking pizza deals

Or watching TikToks about hamsters on wheels

Charlie’s over there thinking he’s changing the game

Meanwhile someone coughs, and THAT gets more fame

He’s trying so hard to spark national affairs

But the vibe stays the same: “Not one fuck was spared.”

‘Cause nobody gives a fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk

Not a dash, not a drizzle, not a courtesy smirk

He could put out a novel called “Please Somebody Care”

But nobody—nobody gives a tiny fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk

Ohhhh play a soft piano for the boy who tries so hard

But even spam emails get more sympathy cards

If attention were currency, he’d be totally broke

He’s a guy at a party telling jokes no one spoke

You could measure the interest in tenths of a hair

It’s microscopic, invisible—less fuck than air

Who cares?

— No fucks!

Who cares?

— Still no fucks!

How many fucks?

— Zero, none, negative budget!

Charlie pops up—

— We don’t care!

Charlie tweets again—

— Still don’t care!

He shouts real loud—

— Buddy, we swear:

“There ain’t enough fuck in the world to make us care.”

Nobody gives a fuck ’bout Charlie Kirk

Not a hint, not a heartbeat, not even a quirk

He could host a parade and folks still wouldn’t prepare

Yeah nobody—nobody gives a

single.

solitary.

universe-shaking fuck

’bout Charlie Kirk

Charlie, sweetie…

We wish you the best…

But we don’t fuckin’ care.