Alive, Technically

[Someone mutters] “fuck this.”

⸻

Wake up mad I’m still fucking breathing

Spit in the sink, teeth grinding demons

Head full of threats I don’t say out loud

Hands shake bad when the house too quiet now

Piss poor morals, rich in regret

I don’t give a fuck, I ain’t clean yet

Blood on my knuckles, none of it mine

I swing first just to feel alive

Pills on the dresser like ammo laid out

Mix them with liquor, blackout route

Doctor say “slow down,” I laugh and nod

If there’s a god, he forgot my block

Everybody preach when they safe inside

I learned real quick how to hate and hide

Trust get you robbed, love get you killed

So I keep both buried under will

⸻

⸻

Ruby been dead, I just puppeteer bones

Marionette strings made of regrets and loans

Jaw full of venom, I spit in triplets

Every word sharp, leave cuts where the lip is

I don’t need faith, I got bad habits

Knife-edge thoughts doing backflips

Brain stay loud like a gun in a room

Every sentence feel like impending doom

I carve my name in the back of the beat

Blood type static, veins full of heat

Laugh when I spiral, grin when I snap

Mind like a trapdoor, no coming back

⸻

⸻

They ask “how you been?” I say “still a mess”

Still self-harm wrapped in success

Still breaking bones just to stand tall

Still don’t trust shit, especially y’all

I keep rage tucked under my tongue

Like a blade I might use if it come

I don’t threaten, I internalize

That’s how bodies pile up in the mind

Every night feel like borrowed air

Every morning I’m back here, pissed, aware

I ain’t suicidal, I just don’t care

If I wake up dead or I wake up here

So fuck your hope, fuck your prayers

Fuck your light at the top of the stairs

I make art outta rot and decay

Still here. Still fucked. Still paid.

⸻

⸻

—yeah.

—kill the tape.