Not Enough

Yeah…

4 AM, still awake.

Trying to breathe through it.

⸻

I had the best of the worst sides

Lungs full of smoke, heart still alive

Too many flash fires I let burn

Chest on fire, head won’t learn

I guess I’m lying ’cause I want to

I guess I’m lying ’cause I don’t

I’m so tired it’s move or slowly fade

Like I need something to come alive today

She said, “You ain’t you when you’re like this”

I said, “That’s the point, I don’t know who I is”

You don’t know how to let go

Who said this had to be all or nothing though?

⸻

I’ll never let you know

I can’t tell you nothing

I keep it bottled up

’Cause opening hurts too much

⸻

Sorry that I’m not enough

Sorry I just give up

When the going gets tough

All I ever do is run

I’m a mess sometimes, yeah

But I could always be

Whatever you wanted

Just not what you needed from me

Sorry that I’m not enough

I’m not enough

⸻

4 AM, in my room, I’m high again

Walking cautious through a world that feels like a lion’s den

Crying quiet ’cause nobody really listens

So I bleed it out online, call it “coping,” call it distance

Got walls and a roof, but this house ain’t home

Rolling up, lost, way out my zone

Drowning in issues, out of control

Too many thoughts, nowhere to go

I say things I don’t mean

Just to feel something rush

Lying feels easier

Than admitting I’m crushed

⸻

All I needed was words to say

That these feelings don’t own me

That it’s not all chemicals anyway

Even if it feels lonely

⸻

Sorry that I’m not enough

Sorry I just give up

When the going gets tough

All I ever do is run

I’m a mess inside, yeah

I say what I don’t mean

’Cause I want love so bad

But I don’t know how to keep it clean

Sorry that I’m not enough

I’m not enough

⸻

I don’t want to disappear

I just want the noise to stop

I don’t need saving tonight

I just need a softer thought

If I stay, I stay breathing

If I go, I go numb

I’m learning how to sit with pain

Instead of always running from it

⸻

I’m sorry that I’m not enough

But I’m still showing up

Even when it hurts

Even when I’m stuck

I’m a mess sometimes

But I’m still here, still me

Trying to learn how to love

Without running away constantly

(fade)

Yeah…

Still here.