Buried Truth (Confessional)

it hit like a desert storm

like a Midsummer monsoon

everything was a flash flood

Everything happened so sudden so soon

I tried to run away

catch my breath

but I couldnt leave fast enough

my feet were heavy

trying to outrun

the wreckage

Of damage already done

but every step I took

I slipped back five

with every memory I shook

every mountain I climbed

I fell down a Canyon

no safe place to hide from the haunting memories

no peace to be found from

The terrifying truth

Theres nowhere for me to hide

from the things I thought I had forgotten

the things Id pushed so far back into my mind

what I thought I had gotten over

came out of the sweet bliss of denial

echoes being recalled

followed by falls

forced to confront my fears

to wrap the bloody wounds

trying to breathe through all the strain

but only suffocating under the weight of all the pain

pain that was always there

just suppressed by my own silence

The pain of buried memories resurfacing

I guess when I was told that life wasnt easy I wasnt expecting it to hurt this much

I wasnt expecting so much to happen so soon

I wasnt expecting it to be this hard

I know life isn’t fair

but does that mean it has to be cruel

I feel like Im breaking more every day

Like my heart has been so hurt it’ll never love the same way again

I’ll never trust the same way again

I’ll never look at the world the same way again

everything has changed forever

what is the truth behind this thing we call life if it is enveloped in hurting

what is the reason for our breathing

if we just barely survive

what is the purpose for everything

never told it would be easy

never told it would shatter me

I’m wondering and wandering aimlessly

on the inside is war

I fake

I smile and pretend to be happy on my own behalf

laugh the laugh

talk the talk

but inside Im screaming and crying out for help

inside is war

My voice is muted

my glass house all of a sudden shattered and broken

I’m bleeding but silently

every cry cuts

Every breath burns

Afraid to say how I really feel

confused by my own emotions that I try to conceal

tired of pretending

Tired of all the avoiding

The truth must out

I can no longer trick myself to stay in denial

I never expected this

I never wanted this

I never asked for this

It’s like I was struck with lightning

the electric shock will always stay with me

and I want to avoid the wounds

they hurt so bad but the pain will never go away

they will only blister and burn

forever

without the proper healing

I told myself it wasn’t that bad

I told myself it wasn’t what it was

But I won’t lie to myself anymore

But Im so afraid that healing will come it’s another fall

told Im brave in full of courage

Told Im strong

But all I was doing all along

Was simply surviving

it hurts to touch the wounds

and I know the scars will never go away

This is what I have to do

This is what I need to do

I can’t live a life where every step I take a fall

I can’t do this anymore

I have to move forward now

I have to