The Redneck Blues

Well I woke up in a kiddie pool floatin’ through the yard,

Dog’s got my boot, my truck won’t start — it’s gettin’ real hard.

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My wife ran off with a rodeo clown,

Took the trailer, left the hound — now I’m sleepin’ on the ground.

My cousin’s my neighbor and my best friend,

Got twelve kids and a mullet — that’s the redneck trend.

Beer can pyramid reachin’ the roof,

A raccoon stole my wallet and he flipped me the hoof.

Lost a fight to a goat, got banned from the bar,

Now I play air banjo in the back of my car.

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I got the redneck blues, and a possum in my shoes,

The lawnmower’s broke, but it still hauls booze.

Tornado done danced with my double-wide view,

Now I’m sittin’ in the mud just howlin’ at the moon.

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Grandma’s on the roof shootin’ at drones,

Grandpa’s grillin’ squirrels and smokin’ bones.

My ex keyed my truck with a pork chop bone,

And now I’m swipin’ on Tinder while I’m sittin’ alone.

Got a NASCAR tattoo on my left butt cheek,

Says “Dale Forever” — it’s startin’ to leak.

My cousin Earl’s got a pet skunk named Steve,

And it drives a scooter down our gravel street.

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I got the redneck blues, and a possum in my shoes,

My rooster’s drunk and my fence is chewed.

Moonshine’s gone, but the memories ain’t few,

Like shotgun karaoke on a broke-down canoe.

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Ain’t no therapy like duct tape and rage…

I married a woman named Tuesday, but divorced her by Thursday…

because she hated Monster trucks and biscuits… what kinda life is that?

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Yeah I got the redneck blues, my life’s all askew,

Got kicked outta Walmart for ridin’ a moose.

But I wear my dirt like a badge of truth —

‘Cause the redneck blues is my country proof!