Conductor of the Poop Train

[The Four bars of a classic ska horn stab riff — think "The Impression That I Get" but meaner.

Drums enter with a walking rim-shot pattern. Guitar upstrokes on the off-beat.]

"Attention all passengers. The next stop is… your spine. Please keep all limbs inside the vehicle. Or don't. I don't care."

---

I woke up in a dumpster

With a smile and a plan

I found a rusty megaphone

And a half-dead also-ran

He said "where we goin', lady?"

I said "buddy, hold my hand —

We're headin' for the vault

But we'll kill everyone in this land"

---

I'm the conductor of the POOP TRAIN! (TOOT TOOT!)

I'm the conductor of the POOP TRAIN! (TOOT TOOT!)

All aboard the meat express

Next stop — your face, I must confess

I'm the conductor of the POOP TRAIN! (TOOT TOOT!)

---

Verse 2

I traded my ticket punch for a buzz axe blade

I punched a hole in reason and a skag ate my grade

The passengers are screamin' but they're also in the stew

I asked for salt and pepper — they gave me part of you

---

[Same as above, but backing vocals add:

"CHOO CHOO, MOTHER—" (cut off by horn stab)]

---

They told me I was crazy

I said "define the word"

They said "you wear a face you skinned"

I said "that's the third one this week, you heard?"

"I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN — AND YOU'RE ALL JUST CABOOSE MEAT!"

---

[16 bars. Clean tone, fast, slightly sloppy — like someone learned to play yesterday but means it.

Ends with a pinch harmonic that squeals into the next chorus.]

---

[Tempo pushes. Drums switch to straight punk beat on the second repeat.

Aimee starts giggling during the horn hits.]

---

"You know what my favorite part of the ride is?"

"The part where you beg."