still don’t hear me

You Still Don’t Hear Me

I keep trying to explain myself

but every time I do

I leave the conversation feeling like I failed.

Like the words I chose

weren’t strong enough

or clear enough

or maybe people just weren’t really listening.

I talk about what’s inside my head

and somehow the point disappears

somewhere between my mouth

and their understanding.

And it makes me question myself.

Did I say it wrong again?

Did I make it sound smaller than it really is?

Because what I feel inside

is not small.

It’s heavy.

It’s constant.

It follows me everywhere.

I work hard.

Harder than most people know.

But working hard doesn’t quiet the noise in my chest.

It doesn’t erase the weight I carry.

Every day I wake up

thinking maybe today I’ll feel peace.

But most days

peace feels like something I’m still chasing.

Like it’s always a few steps ahead of me

and I never quite catch it.

What I want isn’t complicated.

I just want to be understood

without having to explain myself ten different ways.

I want someone to look at me

and see past the surface.

See the effort.

See the struggle.

See the parts of me I never show anyone.

I want someone to love me

with the same intensity I give to people.

Actually more.

I want to feel like loving me matters to someone.

Like it’s something they fight for.

Like losing me would mean something.

Not something casual.

Not something temporary.

Something real.

Because right now

I feel like I’m speaking a language

nobody around me understands.

I explain.

I repeat myself.

I try again.

And somehow

people still don’t hear me.

Maybe one day

someone will understand me

without needing the perfect explanation.

Someone who doesn’t need the right words.

Someone who just looks at me

and finally sees

everything I’ve been trying to say.