Suicidal awareness..

Feeling betrayed

By those supposed

To keep me safe

Those close to me leave

& not stay

When I need them

Cos I'm strugglin

When I'm bleedin

I got nothin

No partner no family nobody

Comin, Noone tellin me

I'll be ok

To say everything's ok

The shittiest place to be alone

Is suicidal. & alone

Its no surprise

How many people die

From suicide

Cos who comes

help the one

Who's the one to come

When you need someone

NO ONE

I dont wanna die

& no matter how hard I try

To regulate while my

Body feels like a hostage in an evil & volatile

space, Ive never seen

Never been

In this place

Aware with so much pain

Fucks with my brain

In so many ways

Im so scared of this maze thing

Im going crazy

Get me out

Please someone help

Im drowning in overwhelm

An Ocean with 100 meter swell

I know I'm unwell

& I can't swim

my Nervous system

has hollowed out my insides

So now Im just a shell

3 years ago

I tried get help

Asked people that already kinda meet

What I need

Their replies

Were Empty

(So)

So you lay there

With open wounds

deep yet easy enough to repair

If only a person that cared was there

To help you

In this Traumatic thing youre going through

Cos your brain your heart your everything

Hurts so fucken bad & wont stop bleeding

But what you needs just out of reach

Like a meter or 2 from you

If you could you would

At least try to

Fix yourself cos its not

often you need to

Or have to rely

& need them to reply

Cos usually you manage to get by

On your own

thats why

Its a shock when you phone

or text to say

" hey, Im not ok. I need help"

Lifes piling up

Too much

I dont trust myself

Or anyone else

to meet my needs,

actually help me

So I dont just switch from my fight into my freeze

Otherwise

I just give up on me

Gotta hope

Someone comes who knows

How to help me cope

& stop the slope

Toward that sharp thing or the rope

Or pills to overdose

Been 41 years of lows, so bad

The highs last less than half that

That's why

Id rather die

Not just survive

Livin a life

In fear

Of another 41 years

Alive

Livin in fear

I wish at times

For a stroke

Or cancer or in a permanent comatose

Its fucked up where my mind goes

But its how I show

how much pain I live with & why

I keep reaching out for help

To 1, 2, 4 or 5

People I hope want me alive

(But)

no surprise

hours go by

Its no wonder why

Numbers are so high

All the lives

we lose to

Suicide

Why bother educating

Waste our time & energy explaining

Signs of the most likely to become

A suicidal victim

Cos Awareness

is 1 part of 3

It needs to be paired with

Checking in on anybody

who mentions

Constant stressful situations or depression

& dont judge or question

If they're just seeking attention

Any threat of self harm

Is enough of a sign, an alarm

To go see them or call a professional

Just dont do nothing

at all

Ask people if theyre ok

It could save somebody today

Tomorrow follow up with hello

It could matter more than you will ever know