Everybody thinks I’m fine ‘cause I smile when I speak But they don’t hear the war goin’ wild in my sleep I’m twenty-four with a title, still feel obsolete Got a job, got a future, still tired of me Bills on the dresser, prayers on delay Faith in my chest but I run from the pain They say, “You’re blessed,” yeah I know what they say But guilt hits harder when you feel this way Adopted heart, broken home, learned to be strong Now I overthink every word, every tone Tryna be a man, tryna lead, tryna cope But my head feels crowded and I’m stuck in the smoke Grandma’s voice in my mind sayin’ “slow down” Life was loud, I missed signs, now I break down I replay moments like I could rewrite fate Carry blame like it’s proof that I loved too late I pray for peace but my thoughts wanna race Fear grabs the wheel, puts my soul in a chase I tell myself “breathe,” yeah I try, okay But silence is loud when you’re wired this way Fear in the backseat yellin’ “you ain’t enough” Sayin’ “look at your past, you already messed up” I hit the brakes, still feel it clutchin’ my lungs Heart on my sleeve, yeah I bleed when it cuts Some days I’m strong, other days I collapse I win round one, then I lose it right back But I’m still here fightin’, yeah I’m still on my feet Fear don’t own me — he just talks when it’s quiet in me They tell me “budget better,” like I don’t already know Every dollar got a name, still none of ‘em stay home Young AGM, they don’t hear what I say ‘Cause age on my face makes ‘em question my place I joke at work just to keep it all light “Billy Badass” when I snap — yeah I laugh, but it bites ‘Cause confidence cracks when you’re carryin’ doubt And you lead everybody while you’re bleeding out I love hard, that’s a blessing and curse I see forever but I question my worth I wanna ring, wanna home, wanna family tree But fear says “don’t move, you’ll ruin everything” Church songs in my ears, tryna quiet the noise Tryna be a man, not a scared little boy Temptation knocks late when I’m tired and weak Then shame shows up askin’ “is this really you, Levi?” I got faith and fear livin’ under my skin One says “stand tall,” one says “don’t let ‘em in” I’m not faithless, I’m human, there’s a difference, okay I just trip when the dark tries to mimic my name Fear in the backseat yellin’ “you ain’t enough” Sayin’ “look at your past, you already messed up” I hit the brakes, still feel it clutchin’ my lungs Heart on my sleeve, yeah I bleed when it cuts Some days I’m strong, other days I collapse I win round one, then I lose it right back But I’m still here fightin’, yeah I’m still on my feet Fear don’t own me — he just talks when it’s quiet in me Who am I when the lights go out? Who am I when I strip success down? Am I loved or just tolerated? Am I chosen or just accommodated I see my parents proud, but I brush it away ‘Cause I don’t trust good things when my head’s in the way I feel everything deep yeah it scares me to death… I’m scared to death…

Fearful Me